joke: big girls in town

These are some types of 'Big Girls' we have in town: Kemi says, "Waiter, please I like my SALAD very hot. Also, can I've 2 bottles of SHAWARMA?'' Sharon says, "Hey friend, give me your PIN let me call you.'' Isabella says, "I'm so tired, I just made my hair in KFC." Abenaa replies, "Really?! I want to spend my summer in London dis Christmas period." Siphiwe explains, ''I Just bought my BB but I haven't collected the PIN.'' Bititi brags, ''When I'm flying, I always like the window seat cause I open it to allow fresh air.'' Valentina says, ''I prefer London to UK during winter!'' Faith says, ''Hmmm, you can't even imagine. I just bought a G-string, and the thing I like most about it is the back pocket!'' Nkechi orders, ''Please, if you don't have meat pie, doughnuts or scotch egg, just give me snacks.'' You can give other examples in the comment box below...

Re-election ajenda: why is president jonnthan changing ministers like clothes

President Goodluck Ebele Jonathan, the man who headed the most volatile regime in the history of Nigeria has never seized to amaze most Nigerians. This year alone, he has replaced over 12 ministers in his cabinet. The recent being Abdu Bulama, Minister of Science & Technology, Steve Orise-Oru, Minister of Niger Delta, Dayo Adeyeye, Minister of State – Works, Ibrahim Shekarau, Minister of Education. Critics claimed President Jonathan is changing ministers to help boost his reelection come 2015. Time will tell where his administration will take Nigeria to. During his regime, Nigeria has lost over 500,000 citizens to terrorism while the oga on top is busy promoting his political agenda. According to an intelligence report released yesterday, 80% of the attacks carried out by Boko Haram are not reported. On a more serious note, an incapable president like Jonathan would have been suspended if Nigeria were to be a developed country but corruption has become the order of the day in our society. [Article by Titilola Oniru]

brain twisting riddle

Solve This Riddle: I'm The First On ''Earth''. I'm The Second In ''Heaven''. I Appear Twice In A ''Week''. You Can Only See Me Once In A ''Year''. Although, I'm In The Middle Of The ''sea''. What Am I?

joke: definition of an idiot

SON: Dad, what is an idiot? Dad: An idiot is someone that explains his ideas in a strange way that no one understands. Do you understand? SON: No

joke: celebrity girlfriend

My girlfriend paid me a visit last week Friday. When she went to the bathroom to shower, her phone rang, I looked and saw TU-FACE calling. I didn't say a word. A few minutes later, another call came in and when I checked, it was WIZ-KID calling. I was a little bit nervous but I remained calm. Five minutes later again, another call came in from IYANYAN. I said to myself, "omo! My girlfriend is a celebrity o!'" Something struck my mind and I decided to dial my number to see what she saved mine with. As I dialled my number, the name I saw made me numb for a few seconds. She stored my name as 'LATE SAM LOCO Callling.' Abeg people, what should I do to the girl? Help me answer in the comment box below............

joke: waec result

Akpos got his WAEC result and needed to tell his father about his performance: FATHER: Akpos, I learnt your WAEC result is out. AKPOS: Daddy, you remember Steven who used to emerge first in our class at the end of every term? he failed. FATHER: That’s terrible, what happened? AKPOS: You also remember Thambo who tutors me at home? He failed too! FATHER: What’s with the poor performance? AKPOS: Daddy I don’t know. That’s how it is. Even Kwame who won the Cowbell Science and Maths competition failed. FATHER: So how was your own result? AKPOS : You also remember John our senior prefect? He failed too. FATHER: (Angrily) Boy, tell me about your own result!! AKPOS : (angrily) Papa, if all these people I've been telling you about failed, how do you expect me to pass?

joke: Naija Hell fire

A man dies and goes to hell. Once there, he finds that there is a different hell for each country, so he tries to seek out the least painful one. At the door to German Hell, he is told: "First they put you in an electric chair for an hour. Then they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour. Then the German devil comes in and whips you for the rest of the day." He does not like the sound of that, so he checks out American Hell, Russian Hell and many more. They are all similarly gruesome. However, at Nigerian Hell a long line of people is waiting to get in. Amazed, he asks, "What do they do here?" He is told: "First they put you in an electric chair for an hour. Then they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour. Then the Nigerian devil comes in and whips you for the rest of the day." "But that's the same as the others," says the man. "Why are so many people waiting to get in?" "Because of the power cuts, the electric chair does not work. The nails were paid for but never supplied, so the bed is comfortable. And the Nigerian devil used to be a civil servant, so he comes in, signs his time sheet and goes back home for private business."

A Must Read Joke!!!

In a jumat service, a man ran into a mosque wit a sharpened cutlass nd asked a simple question....Who is a muslim? No answer. He asked again......who is a muslim? Yet no answer........d Iman pointed to one man, so d man took him away, nt knowing it was to help him kill a ram, after killing the ram, d man couldnt disseminate d body from d skin, so he came back to the mosque again wit blood dripping frm the cutlass and asked the same question again.... Who is a muslim?....This time, it seemed real to everyone, nd d Imam shouted---- "Praise the living lord" the whole mosque responded "Halleluyah"

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heart surgery.

Akpos went for his heart surgery, having earned enough money through his pay-off after his retirement. The following conversation follows... AKPOS: Doctor, I'm so scared, I've never done this before and I heard it has killed lots of people. DOCTOR: You shouldn't be worried at all. (The doctor said courageously). AKPOS: But why doctor? (Akpos asked anxiously) DOCTOR: Because of all the surgeries that has been carried out in my hospital, it's only one person that has been recorded dead before. AKPOS: (feeling a little bit relieved) If I may ask, how many have you done so far doc? DOCTOR: Yours will be the second. Akpos fainted immediately!

definition of some strange things we do.

CRAZINESS: is when you buy a BLACKBERRY PORSCHE for 350,000 naira and at the same time owing your landlord one year rent in your 'face-me-I-face-you' apartment. FAITH: is using the last money on you to buy a wallet. What will you put inside d wallet, condoms? STUPIDITY: is having SIX BIG CARS while living in a small rented apartment. WEALTH: is when you buy a first class return ticket to UK just to pick up a forgotten wrist watch. WASTAGE: is buying a big MANSION at Asokoro in Abuja and only your mai-guard and housemaid lives in it. TROUBLE: is slapping a soldier in front of a quarter-guard in a barrack. You may not live well enough to tell the story. IRONY: is having the chairman of an Okada Association driving a Range Rover Sport. FOOLISHNESS: is taking a 5,000 naira cab to watch a film of 1,000 naira at Silverbird Cinemas. You could have waited for the pirated version or better still 'Molues' abound. LOVE: is buying 'suya' for your girlfriend while you eat only the onions with tears gushing out from your eyes. If all guys can be like you. MADNESS: is when a lady flirts with a Rich HIV/ AIDS victim so as to get money to buy BRAZILIAN HAIR. Any to get your desired hair- style. DIRTINESS: is when cockroaches, rats, ants and spiders become your room-mates and you say, ''God created them for a purpose.'' Big lie! No money to buy rat-traps and insecticides. SADNESS: is when you finish reading this and you don't laugh but frown your face. You can give more examples in the comment box below..................

joke: job application

Dear Sir, APPLICATION FOR EMPLOYMENT I refer to the recent death of the accountant at your office and hereby apply for the job as a replacement of the dead accountant. Each time I apply for employment, I get a reply that there is no vacancy but in this case, I have caught you red handed and you have no excuse because while I was in my hometown for holidays I heard the good news about his death so i quickly rushed back to attend the funeral to be sure that he was truly dead before applying. Attached to my letter is a copy of my CV and his obituary as proof of vacancy. You can't swerve me this time. Give me the job. Thank you, Yours Truly, Kweku Boateng.

heart attack killed seven parents of chibok girls kidnapped by boko haram.

While addressing the media in Abuja yesterday, Dr Pogu Bitrus, the National Chairman of Kibaku (Chibok) Area Development Association (KADA) accused the Nigerian Federal Govenrnment of neglecting lives and properties in Chibok. Bitrus wondered why all the rescue efforts of the government are yet to yield results. “Today (yesterday) is 81 days since the abduction, and in spite of the firm/categorical statements by the CDS that the location of the girls is known to the government, the appalling situation and agony encompassing the unfortunate abduction saga and detention of the Chibok girls by the Boko Haram insurgents continue and the rescue efforts by the government are yet to yield any result. “While this unfortunate situation persists, many distressed parents are dying of heart attacks and frustration as their dejection has become unbearable. On record, seven parents have lost their lives due to the trauma of the situation,” Bitrus revealed. He spoke briefly on the recent attacks by Boko Haram in 19 villages that make up Chibok “Unfortunately, again, the Federal Government has not provided adequate security in Chibok (Kibaku) area since the unfortunate abduction of April 14th/15, 2014 even in the face of persistent attacks by the Boko Haram insurgents. “So far, Boko Haram has carried out 15 attacks on the Chibok (Kibaku) nation involving 19 villages with over 229 killed and over 100 injured. Some of the victims of these attacks are parents and relations of the abducted girls and thereby adding more pains to the traumatic condition already inherent in the Chibok (Kibaku) community. Hmmm may God comfort them… e no easy. Related Posts: 1. Chibok Girls Abduction Isn’t Fake, It’s Real: Parents Identify 4 Girls In Boko Haram Video 2. Parents Identify 77 Chibok Girls In New Boko Haram Video 3. “Boko Haram Kept Chibok Girls Inside Sambisa Forest” – Arrested Terrorists Confess 4. Boko Haram Slammed For ‘Mass Rape’ Of Kidnapped Chibok Girls Ad 2 comments - What do you think? 2 Responses to “Heart Attack Killed 7 Parents Of Chibok Girls Kidnapped By Boko Haram” red says: July 5, 2014 at 6:13 am oh my goodness my heart bleeds for these parents. Imagine the loss of a child talkess of losing all your children. Men rarely cry but seeing this men sobbing makes me cry. Boko Haram God is watching Reply Naija d mess says: July 5, 2014 at 6:15 am I believe God is watching. Let him determine their (boko haram)fate Reply Leave a Reply Name * Email * Website Comment Post Comment Confirm you are NOT a spammer Ad Find us on Facebook Nigerians Online Community 164,933 people like Nigerians Online Community. Facebook social plugin Like “Today (yesterday) is 81 days since the abduction, and in spite of the firm/categorical statements by the CDS that the location of the girls is known to the government, the appalling situation and agony encompassing the unfortunate abduction saga and detention of the Chibok girls by the Boko Haram insurgents continue and the rescue efforts by the government are yet to yield any result. “While this unfortunate situation persists, many distressed parents are dying of heart attacks and frustration as their dejection has become unbearable. On record, seven parents have lost their lives due to the trauma of the situation,” Bitrus revealed. He spoke briefly on the recent attacks by Boko Haram in 19 villages that make up Chibok “Unfortunately, again, the Federal Government has not provided adequate security in Chibok (Kibaku) area since the unfortunate abduction of April 14th/15, 2014 even in the face of persistent attacks by the Boko Haram insurgents. “So far, Boko Haram has carried out 15 attacks on the Chibok (Kibaku) nation involving 19 villages with over 229 killed and over 100 injured. Some of the victims of these attacks are parents and relations of the abducted girls and thereby adding more pains to the traumatic condition already inherent in the Chibok (Kibaku) community. Hmmm may God comfort them… e no easy. Related Posts: 1. Chibok Girls Abduction Isn’t Fake, It’s Real: Parents Identify 4 Girls In Boko Haram Video 2. Parents Identify 77 Chibok Girls In New Boko Haram Video 3. “Boko Haram Kept Chibok Girls Inside Sambisa Forest” – Arrested Terrorists Confess 4. Boko Haram Slammed For ‘Mass Rape’ Of Kidnapped Chibok Girls Ad 2 comments - What do you think? 2 Responses to “Heart Attack Killed 7 Parents Of Chibok Girls Kidnapped By Boko Haram” red says: July 5, 2014 at 6:13 am oh my goodness my heart bleeds for these parents. Imagine the loss of a child talkess of losing all your children. Men rarely cry but seeing this men sobbing makes me cry. Boko Haram God is watching Reply Naija d mess says: July 5, 2014 at 6:15 am I believe God is watching. Let him determine their (boko haram)fate Reply Leave a Reply Name * Email * Website Comment Post Comment Confirm you are NOT a spammer Ad Find us on Facebook Nigerians Online Community 164,933 people like Nigerians Online Community. Facebook social plugin Like Find us on Facebook Nigerians Online Community “Unfortunately, again, the Federal Government has not provided adequate security in Chibok (Kibaku) area since the unfortunate abduction of April 14th/15, 2014 even in the face of persistent attacks by the Boko Haram insurgents. “So far, Boko Haram has carried out 15 attacks on the Chibok (Kibaku) nation involving 19 villages with over 229 killed and over 100 injured. Some of the victims of these attacks are parents and relations of the abducted girls and thereby adding more pains to the traumatic condition already inherent in the Chibok (Kibaku) community. Hmmm may God comfort them… e no easy.

Woman Abducts And Sells 9-Year-Old Girl For N650,000.

The Lagos StatePolice Command has arrested four women Fausat Ogidan, Abibat Oresanya, Bola Obajuruwa and Idiyat Abass on Sunday, June 6, after a tip-off for allegedly abducting and selling a nine- year-old girl, identified simply as Blessing, for N650,000. Ogidan, who was with the nine-year-old girl, and collected the sum on behalf of others, was arrested in the Gbagada area of Lagos. Punch correspondent gathered that the 51-year-old woman, who is married with four children, had arranged to sell the girl and on that Sunday. Further investigations revealed that the girl was given to Ogidan by Obajuruwa, commonly known as Iya Alaje, who lives in the Suberu Street, Alakuko area of Lagos. Iya Alaje also confessed that she had told Ogidan to sell the girl for N350,000 before she was caught. She said, “I used to sell herbs in the Agege Market. I told Fausat (Ogidan) to sell the girl forN350,000, but Fausat added N300,000 as her own profit. The girl was sold to me by Idiyat (Abass) and her elder sister, Abibat. “I bought her from them for N130,000. They said they were going to give the money to the girl’s mother who wanted to get rid of her because of poverty.” Obajuruwa, when arrested, had led the police to Abass and Oresanya, who got the girl from her parents and connived to sell her.

boko haram funded by kidnapping for ransom.

WASHINGTON – When Washington imposed sanctions in June 2012 on Boko Haram leader Abubakar Shekau,he dismissed it as an empty gesture. Two years later, Shekau’s skepticism appears well founded: his Islamic militant group is now the biggest security threat to Africa’s top oil producer, is richer than ever, more violent and its abductions of women and children continue with impunity. As the United States, Nigeria and others struggle to track and choke off its funding, Reuters interviews with more than a dozen current and former U.S. officials who closely follow Boko Haram provide the most complete picture to date of how the group finances its activities. Central to the militant group’s approach includes using hard-to-track human couriers to move cash, relying on local funding sources and engaging in only limited financial relationships with other extremists groups. It also has reaped millions from high-profile kidnappings. “Our suspicions are that they are surviving on very lucrative criminal activities that involve kidnappings,” U.S. Assistant Secretary of State for African Affairs Linda Thomas-Greenfield said in an interview. Until now, U.S. officials have declined to discuss Boko Haram’s financing in such detail. The United States has stepped up cooperation with Nigeria to gather intelligence on Boko Haram, whose militants are killing civilians almost daily in its northeastern Nigerian stronghold. But the lack of international financial ties to the group limit the measures the United States can use to undermine it, such as financial sanctions. The U.S. Treasury normally relies on a range of measures to track financial transactions of terrorist groups, but Boko Haram appears to operate largely outside the banking system. To fund its murderous network, Boko Haram uses primarily a system of couriers to move cash around inside Nigeria and across the porous borders from neighbouring African states, according to the officials interviewed by Reuters. In designating Boko Haram as a terrorist organization last year, the Obama administration characterized the group as a violent extremist organization with links to al Qaeda. The Treasury Department said in a statement to Reuters that the United States has seen evidence that Boko Haram has received financial support from Al Qaeda in the Islamic Magreb (AQIM), an offshoot of the jihadist group founded by Osama bin Laden. But that support is limited. Officials with deep knowledge of Boko Haram’s finances say that any links with al Qaeda or its affiliates are inconsequential to Boko Haram’s overall funding. “Any financial support AQIM might still be providing Boko Haram would pale in comparison to the resources it gets from criminal activities,” said one U.S. official, speaking on condition of anonymity. Assessments differ, but one U.S. estimate of financial transfers from AQIM was in the low hundreds of thousands of dollars.That compares with the millions of dollars that Boko Haram is estimated to make through its kidnap and ransom operations. LUCRATIVE KIDNAPPING RACKET Ransoms appear to be the main source of funding for Boko Haram’s five-year-old Islamist insurgency in Nigeria, said the U.S. officials, who spoke on condition of anonymity. In February last year, armed men on motorcycles snatched Frenchman Tanguy Moulin-Fournier, his wife and four children, and his brother while they were on holiday near the Waza national park in Cameroon, close to the Nigerian border. Boko Haram was paid an equivalent of about $3.15 million by French and Cameroonian negotiators before the hostages were released, according to a confidential Nigerian government report later obtained by Reuters. Figures vary on how much Boko Haram earns from kidnappings. Some U.S. officials estimate the group is paid as much as $1 million for the release of each abducted wealthy Nigerian. It is widely assumed in Nigeria that Boko Haram receives support from religious sympathizers inside the country, including some wealthy professionals and northern Nigerians who dislike the government, although little evidence has been made public to support that assertion. Current and former U.S. and Nigerian officials say Boko Haram’s operations do not require significant amounts of money, which means even successful operations tracking and intercepting their funds are unlikely to disrupt their campaign. LOW-COST WEAPONS Much of Boko Haram’s military hardware is not bought, it is stolen from the Nigerian army. In February, dozens of its fighters descended on a remote military outpost in the Gwoza hills in northeastern Borno state, looting 200 mortar bombs, 50 rocket-propelled grenades and hundreds of rounds of ammunition. Such raids have left the group well armed. In dozens of attacks in the past year Nigerian soldiers were swept aside by militants driving trucks, motor bikes and sometimes even stolen armoured vehicles, firing rocket-propelled grenades. Boko Haram’s inner leadership is security savvy, not only in the way it moves money but also in its communications, relying on face-to-face contact, since messages or calls can be intercepted, the current and former U.S. officials said. “They’re quite sophisticated in terms of shielding all of these activities from legitimate law enforcement officials in Africa and certainly our own intelligence efforts trying to get glimpses and insight into what they do,” a former U.S. military official said. U.S. officials acknowledge that the weapons that have served Washington so well in its financial warfare against other terrorist groups are proving less effective against Boko Haram. “My sense is that we have applied the tools that we do have but that they are not particularly well tailored to the way that Boko Haram is financing itself,” a U.S. defense official said.